Season 4 Episode 1
"The Last Wedding"
Jess and Co. attend the last wedding of the summer season and make a bet to see which of them can get lucky...[button color="black" size="small" link="http://www.fox.com/new-girl/" target="blank" ]Official Site[/button]
Schmidt tries to talk Jess into going to their twelfth wedding of the summer. Jess is annoyed that people get to throw parties for themselves and wonders why she can't have one for the way she really dedicated herself to knitting.
Schmidt objects. "I hate knitting. It makes me angry and scared at the same time. Just like when I hear the phrase 'Academy Award winner Anna Paquin."
Schmidt tries to convince Jess she needs to get back out there. Nick drops by wearing the tap shoes he got at a thrift store, thinking they were really fancy dress shoes. Schmidt continues his pep talk, with Winston sore on the couch from police academy.
Schmidt thinks only he and Coach have taken advantage of the sexual opportunities at weddings. Nick offers that he made out with a bridesmaid, but Coach says she looked like the snowman from "Frozen."
Schmidt resolves that all five of them will hook up with someone tonight, it's their last chance before fall, during which they'll be forced to gamble on the unknown contents of a bulky sweater.
Jess agrees, declaring the five of them a "sex fist." After some unfortunate pantomime she finally hears what she's saying.
At the wedding, the best man Ted gives a funny toast and Schmidt nominates him as Jess' conquest. Coach sets his smooth on a waitress only to end up with a drink in his lap when he doesn't remember her from a previous hook-up. Schmidt starts hyperventilating when Cece unexpectedly shows up.
Jess hasn't told him that Cece broke up with her young Australian, Buster. Nick encourages Schmidt to refocus and forget about Cece, reminding him of the summer of sex he's had with her in Australia.
Jess goes over and talks to Ted, who laughs at her awkward jokes. A super hot woman named Kat (Jessica Biel) interrupts and introduces herself. While Ted goes to play with a young child, Kat gives Jess the rundown, explaining that they're in competition for Ted and she's technically a genius and lost her virginity to Malcolm Gladwell. She knows about football and watches 30 minutes of porn every night just to stay up on current trends -- she's predicting a return to missionary, depending on what happens in Syria.
"From a purely biological standpoint you're shorter, weaker and dumber -- but I love your shoes," Kat says. Jess retorts with "I love your shoes," then begins whispering it, running out of runway.
Jess goes back to the table for suggestions on ways to get Ted. Cece suggests Jess dance seductively since guys think the way you dance is the way you have sex. She gives a hip rolling demonstration that freezes Schmidt in his seat. Jess attempts to recreate it, rendering Schmidt frigid.
Winston tells her his strategy: "be there." Just be there when he goes to get a drink, and where ever he goes all night, including at the end of the night. It's also known as the "Joe Biden." Jess is sold, and immediately attempts it on Ted and Kat -- she's telling him about her hairlessness.
Meanwhile, Coach continues to run into past hook-ups, all of whom are angry, and one of whom is old.
Schmidt is trying his best lines on two bridesmaids -- all Nick offers is that one has a pretty good face -- when one of the girls interrupts, asking if they want to do a four-way. Nick scurries off in his tap shoes.
Jess cuts in on Kat and Ted on the dance floor, just being there.
Schmidt joins Nick, who won't even consider the four way. Schmidt says it's the last helicopter out of Saigon, and it's the fog of war, which is exactly what Nick is concerned about. Schmidt continues his appeal with lots of good metaphors to explain how they'll stay out of each other's way. Schmidt goes North, Nick goes South. Can it really be that simple?
Schmidt asks Winston if two men can engage in a four-way without compromising their friendship.
In response, Winston sets up a demonstration using the salt and pepper shakers on the table, which he "accidentally" spills all over the table. As he points out how the salt and pepper are all mixed together and there's salt in the tiny, tiny pepper holes, Nick's mind is made up.
Jess and Kat both follow Ted to the men's room. Kat is on to Jess' "Bidening." Jess decides to go "extreme Biden" and runs into the men's room, then immediately regrets her decision. Kat holds the door shut, keeping her in. When Jess runs into Ted, she strolls off to a stall and tells him not to wait for her.
At the bar, Nick laments that one on one sex has become old fashioned. When he tells Cece she's lucky she's not single, she tells him she is. Nick laments that he now has to go do something he doesn't want to do.
He agrees to the four-way with Schmidt. But Schmidt backs out after they shake hands, deciding Nick's feels like a "hoove." Nick says he was only agreeing to it because he wanted to keep Schmidt from finding out Cece is single.
Nick finds Jess in the men's stall and ends up giving her a pep talk, telling her to be herself and if he doesn't like her, something is wrong with him. Jess is the group's last hope for going home with someone. "So the sex fist has become a sex finger," she says.
Jess approaches Ted on the dance floor and announces her plan to be herself. She explains what she does, and that she lives with her ex-boyfriend. "Sometimes I cry when newscasters wish each other happy birthday on air, my first crush on a Batman cake, but my first sexual feelings were about teenage Simba, because he's super hot."
Kat takes out her phone and shows him a picture of herself naked. Jess counters with a picture of herself and a guy she thought was Larry King. Ted is torn.
Much, much later, as the wedding is over and people are packing up, Ted is still trying to decide -- but the women agree the moment has passed.
At the table, Cece waits for Schmidt to do something weird about her news that she's single. He feels it coming on and leaves the table.
Kat tells Jess that they are Ted's two best options for procreation. The facts on Jess' competition (guest star Jessica Biel) - she is technically a genius, she has a photographic memory, and she lost her virginity to Malcolm Gladwell.
Kat's plan B shows up -- the young priest, who insists he's just taking her home.
The whole table is feeling glum that they're going home alone, but Jess notes that none of them are.
Back at the loft, they liberate the fridge from all its invitation by mocking each one as they rip it up. They find one for a wedding next weekend, but Jess shreds it. And the gang hangs out again.
Get the inside scoop on the NEW GIRL season premiere from special guest stars Jessica Biel and Reid Scott!